While I think the time away was needed, there were times where I wanted to come write and tell others of how life was going, but I just didn’t have the time, or the energy, or maybe both. The last few months have been a wild ride. One bad thing after another, with tiny glimmers of hope sprinkled in. I hate to re-hash it all and most of it I have covered either here, or on Instagram so I will just leave it be.
While we still don’t have any definite answers on the permanency of our niece living with us, it seems as though things are still moving in our direction. She is thriving in school, making all A’s and B’s, and is adjusting well to life with us. She continues to be a bright spot in our lives and while I would assume I should be telling you how going from zero children to an 11 year old was somehow incredibly life changing, it feels as though she has been there all along. It feels normal.
We have a FET scheduled for early next year we are just keeping the details of that private. I am excited and optimistic. We have 8 beautiful embryos on ice and I just know that our baby is in there.
And it happened…The thing that we all hope we can avoid, we know is inevitable, but somehow, in our 8+ years of infertility I have never had happen to us, until now. “Our name” got used. I put that in quotes because I know that realistically you can’t claim a name as your own, but we have been lucky that in all of these years of waiting, no one we knew closely, used a name we were set on. We have not openly shared our names, and they really haven’t changed in all of these years. The middle names have changed, and we added secondary names once we started IVF because we knew the likelihood of twins was higher, but for the most part our names have remained a nice little piece of this puzzle that we have managed to keep to ourselves. Until today…today a little girl was born, and she was given “our” girl name. I would be lying if I said it didn’t sting a little. My husband and I picked that name for very sentimental reasons and this person seemed to just pick a name. But somehow, I have a certain peace about it. A part of me tells me that we will end up with a boy and it won’t matter, and the other part of me really doesn’t care because if we do have a baby girl, she will still get that name, and it will still mean all the same things to us. I am happy this little girl entered the world healthy and with a beautiful name, and I hope that one day she can share her namesake with another little girl and that can be something they can bond over.
I have tried to keep up on blogs and pages but it is hard. I feel like I barely have time to answer my phone these days so please know I continue to pray for all those in waiting, celebrate with those who receive their miracles, and mourn with you on your losses. Best wishes from me to you. Until next time… ❤ #MM
the OCD infertile 
A coworker was pregnant and I learned that she was going to use “our name” for a boy if she had a girl. That name is not too gender neutral so it boggled my mind that she was thinking of using it for a girl. So I had held my breath until her son was born. So relieved. I mean, I would still name our baby boy the same name if she had used it for her girl, but it would be so much better if no one else has that name.
I have missed seeing your updates and am so thrilled for you that you are going to do a transfer very soon. 2017 is full of hope, and I so hope that the next year brings you success and the new experience of being a new mom. ❤
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I’m glad that you don’t seem completely ruined over “the name” thing. It’s funny how things find a way of working themselves out as I’m sure, this will too. I had a name I liked from when I was a little girl. By the time I was trying to get pregnant, I had said it so many times, I was sick of it. Then, after all of the IVF etc I had multiples and ended up needing 6 names. (FET, by the way.) I always loved the name Samantha (probably from growing up watching Bewitched) and my husband nixed that idea immediately because our last name is Fox and apparently Samantha Fox was a porn star. Welcome back! xo
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I’m glad you don’t seem too too bothered by it. It stinks to have the same names in a close circle, but it’s not that bad either. I have cousins of the same name on each “side” of my family, aunts and uncles too. Use it if it’s special to you. Also glad to hear things are still going well with your niece! xoxo
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I had “our name” used while going through infertility by my cousin. It stung. I cried. But, I worked through it and my baby has a new “our name” (actually the one we had for years, but was on the back burner when we thought of a new name).
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I’m glad things are settling down after such a difficult period. For what it’s worth, I still dread the idea of someone using our “name,” even though we’re not actively doing treatments. It’s just the idea of calling someone else by that name… I would get accustomed to it, but it would always feel like a little stab.
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When I was pregnant, the Duchess of Cambridge stole my name and I completely wigged out. I can’t even imagine if it had been someone closer to me. You are handling it with such grace! I should take a page from your book! Wonderful to hear from you and I hope that 2017 is filled with nothing but happiness.
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I am glad to hear from you! I’m so sorry “your name” got used, but I get it. And I love that you’re not eliminating it, but imagining something these little girls can share in the future. We told very few people “our names,” and luckily have not had either the boys’ or girls’ ones get “taken,” but I have had a couple students and that is sometimes a worry (a student can make you love “your name” more, or they can make you always associate that name with a tough year). But, so far so good. I get the loss, and am impressed that you can acknowledge it and let it go. I am so hopeful for your eight frozen babylings. I think of you all the time.
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