While I think the time away was needed, there were times where I wanted to come write and tell others of how life was going, but I just didn’t have the time, or the energy, or maybe both. The last few months have been a wild ride. One bad thing after another, with tiny glimmers of hope sprinkled in. I hate to re-hash it all and most of it I have covered either here, or on Instagram so I will just leave it be.
While we still don’t have any definite answers on the permanency of our niece living with us, it seems as though things are still moving in our direction. She is thriving in school, making all A’s and B’s, and is adjusting well to life with us. She continues to be a bright spot in our lives and while I would assume I should be telling you how going from zero children to an 11 year old was somehow incredibly life changing, it feels as though she has been there all along. It feels normal.
We have a FET scheduled for early next year we are just keeping the details of that private. I am excited and optimistic. We have 8 beautiful embryos on ice and I just know that our baby is in there.
And it happened…The thing that we all hope we can avoid, we know is inevitable, but somehow, in our 8+ years of infertility I have never had happen to us, until now. “Our name” got used. I put that in quotes because I know that realistically you can’t claim a name as your own, but we have been lucky that in all of these years of waiting, no one we knew closely, used a name we were set on. We have not openly shared our names, and they really haven’t changed in all of these years. The middle names have changed, and we added secondary names once we started IVF because we knew the likelihood of twins was higher, but for the most part our names have remained a nice little piece of this puzzle that we have managed to keep to ourselves. Until today…today a little girl was born, and she was given “our” girl name. I would be lying if I said it didn’t sting a little. My husband and I picked that name for very sentimental reasons and this person seemed to just pick a name. But somehow, I have a certain peace about it. A part of me tells me that we will end up with a boy and it won’t matter, and the other part of me really doesn’t care because if we do have a baby girl, she will still get that name, and it will still mean all the same things to us. I am happy this little girl entered the world healthy and with a beautiful name, and I hope that one day she can share her namesake with another little girl and that can be something they can bond over.
I have tried to keep up on blogs and pages but it is hard. I feel like I barely have time to answer my phone these days so please know I continue to pray for all those in waiting, celebrate with those who receive their miracles, and mourn with you on your losses. Best wishes from me to you. Until next time… ❤ #MM