Finally…I Don’t Feel So Alone…

I was in the middle of posting this when the entire power grid by my work went out so we all got sent home early. Since we are on the night shift they weren’t hip on 20 or so people being in a completely dark building with no security, lights,  and probably millions of dollars of equipment. Thankfully blog spot has this flippin’ awesome auto save and I didn’t lose anything but the last sentence. Yay blogspot!

I was reading through blogs today of other women going through infertility. You know how it goes, click this blog, click that blog, read a little, click again. So after about 10 clicks I come across a woman’s blog who is pregnant after doing IVF with Donor Eggs. This is one of the first blogs I’ve ever come across where someone had translocation. I didn’t care how she got pregnant, the fact was she IS and she is going to be a mother. And she’s like me. After talking to her I was told to go to another blog of someone else with translocation. She is 15 weeks pregnant with a perfect little girl, and it happened all on it’s own. No IVF, no donor eggs (although she had one failed DE cycle)

Let me tell you this is the first time in a very long time I’ve truly had hope. Although I stay positive and I believe it will happen when it’s time. This is the first time I felt like this whole thing is actually real. You see even on blogs like Faces of Loss I have never found a story of anyone having chromosome translocation. Now of course that could be because of how they have tagged their posts but I am the only story that is linked right now, out of thousands. Below is a picture from Faces of Loss. That (1) after Chromosome Translocation is me…

I have never been able to relate to anyone when it comes to infertility. Not completely. Not since my diagnosis of CT. I have met people who have had problems concieving, I have met others who had miscarriages, but never anyone with any chromosome problems. Even when I would find a random forum online I never once saw a happy story. I would see posts about them starting IVF or treatments but they never posted an update that I could find. I swear I was starting to feel like this was some conspiracy cooked up by my RE and that this CT thing he said I had didn’t actually exist. And anything I was finding online was something he had put there. Because I could not find anything on it from an actual person. Until now. I swear it felt like I was reading my blog from the future. I kept thinking “So this is what it would sound like to be a CT “Survivor” of sorts. This is what it would sound like if I got to be a mom. It was more than just words from a stranger. It was a whole new kind of hopeful feeling that came over me. Like there is another side to this. People don’t just get sucked in this black hole after they find out they have CT. Finally, a happy ending. Somewhere.

Even if for some reason this is not the path God will choose for me and I become a mom by some other way, I am ok with that. But just to know that someone out there, has the same thing, and they are getting their miracle. It’s just reassurance that someway, somehow, I’ll get mine too.

I won’t link her blog just in case she doesn’t want me to. But if your reading this and you don’t mind I hope you’ll leave a comment so that others know who you are. Maybe one at a time we can help get the word out about CT. And I hope your story reaches other women feeling scared and alone with their CT diagnosis.

I will have you and your baby girl in my prayers every night. I can’t wait to continue to read your blog about your wonderful miracle…

Thank you to “WANTED: One Good Embryo” and “We Have Angel Wings” for being lights at the end of this very dark lonely tunnel.