Uncharted Waters

First and foremost, thank you. Thank you for all of the love and congratulatory comments. They truly mean the world to me. I wish I could hug you all.

My emotions have been all over the place. I have had 9 years to “practice” being an infertile. To navigate those emotions and everyone around me. This is a whole new ball game and I feel so ill prepared.

When we announced to our family the pain of years of infertility became so much more evident from their point of view. I tried to video tape some of their reactions but I probably won’t ever publish them. Some of them are so apparently cautious and hesitant that after we told people I spent a whole day in bed crying because I felt as though infertility had robbed us of another joy. That we didn’t get to see the happy crying faces that you see in most YouTube videos. Instead it was, “so it’s going good so far?”, and “This one is going to stick?”, and while those statements seem insensitive, they are valid. One of the things I battled most through infertility was not my own disappointment, but feeling like I was letting my family down. Robbing them of the joy of a grandchild, a niece or nephew, a son or daughter. So while I was so excited to tell them,  the reality of how early it was and how I could still let them down hit me like a ton of bricks.

Navigating this blog and my Instagram are also things that I am going to have to re-learn. I want to share everything, but I want to continue to be sensitive to others that are still struggling. I feel like there have been times when I’ve read that before and rolled my eyes at others so I hate being cliché and being in the same spot now…

Thank you again for your continued support and please know that I am keeping you all so very close in my thoughts and prayers…

This blog was written for #MicroblogMonday. Find my blog and others that also participate here every Monday.

 

 

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8 thoughts on “Uncharted Waters

  1. I hear you. Our journey was only 4 years buy it’s definitely not 100% easy. Just try to take it day by day and don’t think or analyse too much…remember pregnancy hormones are coursing through your veins. XXX

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  2. Infertility robs us of SO much- the simple joy of the announcing is certainly one of them. You know what it also does? Makes us appreciate every single small and mundane thing that a miracle baby brings. Hope you are kind to yourself as you navigate these new waters. All your feelings are so understandable. Sending my love.

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  3. I bet it’s difficult to transition into these uncharted waters. I am so hopeful for you. It sucks that infertility robs you of the ability to have that unfettered joy — for yourself and from your family. To have everything shadowed with that cautiousness. I will be thinking of you as you navigate this new reality!

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  4. I agree so much with MamaJo. Coming at it from an infertility point of view really makes you more appreciative of everything and not take a second for granted. Try to enjoy it! I know it’s hard, believe me. I struggled with that a lot in the beginning too. And still do, really. xoxo

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  5. I feel like I could have written this. I agree with every feeling. It sucks but it’s so awesome too. But definitely try to cut yourself some slack and really really enjoy the good times. And I know you want to be sensitive here and on instagram but here is also the place where you should be comfortable to express the awesome parts. We’re here for you no matter what. xx

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  6. I remember that feeling of being in uncharted waters very well. It is unnerving, but the one way to find a new normal is to start living it, minute by minute, day by day. Fingers crossed your pregnancy goes relatively smoothly as that DOES help, although your body will likely do something at some point that is very baffling to you. I just remind myself that another person has moved into my personal space and is using it for their purposes, which is bound to be awkward at times.

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