I am a talker. Always have been. When I was younger they would write “talks too much” on all of my report cards. I am less like a social butterfly and more like an entire butterfly garden. I used to be insecure about it but over time I have embraced it. It’s easy for me to meet people, it’s easy for me to make small talk, and it’s easy for me to share my struggles in hopes of helping someone through theirs. It has benefited me more times than not.
Recently, the nurse at our clinic, has left me more on the insecure side of my long windedness. I feel as though she is always rushing off the phone, and every time I get off the phone with her I remember a million questions I meant to ask. I’ve tried writing them down but as soon as I get her on the phone I feel like I have a few precious moments and quickly cross off half the questions from my list because in that moment they don’t feel important.
She called us and informed us that a donor we had expressed interest in had an appointment Monday. I don’t know much about the appointment other than they talked, she had an ultrasound, and they did blood work. The nurse was very brief and just said she would call when her blood work came back. I don’t feel like I know any more about our donor than what she initially told us, which isn’t much. I don’t feel like I know this woman at all. Should I?
I’ve never been through this before and because I try to be super self aware I wonder if the things I’m wishing the nurse would tell me is just because I need it for reassurance or it’s a normal thing that I should be expecting.
I guess what I want to hear is that she is smart, and kind, and even pretty. While I try to not think about it too much, my child may look like this woman and I feel like it’s normal to wish I knew what she looked like.
Honestly I just find myself worrying more about her response to medication than anything else. I continue to worry that she won’t respond well because we did express interest in a 29 year old donor because she seemed much more fitting than the 23 year old that was offered. I try to keep in mind that God is in control, and I echo Chelsea from SP&P when I say that He already knows the number, and I just have to have faith that it will be good. Her words have brought me a lot of comfort and I am so thankful I found her blog.
I just need to keep praying and trusting this path that we have been sent down…