Why do we glorify things after they are gone?
We talk about ex’s and how wonderful the relationship was, when in reality maybe they cheated on you, you fought all the time, or maybe it just wasn’t that great.
We think of friendships that have ended, we may even consider trying to re-kindle the friendship. But how did we forget that they weren’t there in our time of need, or why the friendship ended in the first place? They didn’t show up for x, y, and z, and were usually always busy unless it was something that would benefit them.
I have found myself praising the times I had with my foster children last year, wishing they were back in my home. What I forget are the nights that were spent crying and angry and confused. Some of these children broke me down to my core with harsh words, and their parents could be a countless times worse. Yet, there are days, that I wish we were still fostering.
This is where it gets touchy… People that have passed away. Once people are gone we choose to remember only the good things about that person. Obviously that’s what we all want. To be remember fondly, but what if, when that person was here, you weren’t fond of them. Maybe you had a falling out, maybe they are that family member that only brought drama and fighting, maybe they were a drug addict, an abuser, etc. Maybe you knew them in school and they were the one that bullied you, made you cry. Maybe they were your ex and the relationship ended horribly, there was cheating or abuse.
I believe, it’s because we are all broken people, loving other broken people.
In the heat of the moment it is sometimes easy to walk away, it’s easy to forget a friend and scorn a lover. But what happens when they are gone? When the anger and the pain are gone. What happens when that person isn’t here anymore to be angry at? What happens when you have pushed them so far away they won’t ever come back?
We are left with pictures of the good times, love letters from a happier time, memories of the times you spent with them, and it’s never enough…
I believe this is the huge reason there are funerals, and why people send flowers. It’s to apologize for being broken, and not forgiving that person at some time in their life, for being broken too. I guess what I’m getting at, and what has been on my mind, is that glorifying those that are gone isn’t a bad thing, but we should try to work a little harder on doing it while they are still here.
Maybe if we sent flowers to our friends who are still here and supporting us, maybe if we wrote a few more loves letters to our significant others, and maybe if we took a little extra time to visit loved ones and call them for no reason, we wouldn’t have so many regrets when they are gone.
It took losing a lot of people, two miscarriages, and grief counseling for me to get to this point. I did a lot of crying, had a lot of regrets, and sent a lot of flowers to funeral homes before I figured it out. I’m not saying I don’t have regrets, and I’m sure I will continue to have some, but it is my hope, that when the ones I love leave, that they will know how much they meant to me, they will go with the memories of flowers I sent while they were still here, they will easily be able to recall times we have spent together.
Life is too short to have so much pride you can’t forgive the brokenness of others.