It was a fantastic weekend. Filled with lots of quality time with the ones I love the most.We had dinners, went to my niece’s basketball games, I got my bi-weekly gel manicure, did some shopping, and had a wonderful sushi lunch with my best friend then went to her house and spent some quality time with her daughter.
Yesterday, I woke up to a text from my husband with a link to a song. had goose bumps as soon as I heard it. I am so lucky to be with a man that after over 10 years he still surprises me with songs, and notes, etc. Then it got to these lyrics…
“me and you baby
walking our first steps, build our own family, one day at a time
ten little toes a painted pink room
a beautiful baby looks just like you”
I instantly got a lump in my throat. Part of the lyrics ring so true, because we remind ourselves daily that the donor egg process has to move one day at a time, that waiting is just part of it. Then the end of those lyrics, about their baby girl looking just like her. I can’t help but get a little emotional when I think that technically, our children won’t. I know in my heart, that it doesn’t matter, and that with my husband’s family and how everyone looks alike my odds are pretty slim anyways, but it was just a reminder that I wasn’t ready for.
It made me realize that lately I’ve started to change how I view certain things now that I’ve accepted the reality of donor eggs. I have started avoiding looking at picture of me or my family as children (and trying to find my future children in them), I have started getting a weird feeling when I hear others talk about who their child looks like, or acts like, and I have started seeing every pretty dark haired woman as the woman who could be helping me start a family. These aren’t bad things, if I don’t let them be, it’s just our reality and my heart accepted it long before my brain did.
I was 22 when I found out I had a balanced translocation
and it didn’t take long for me to realize that after 2 d&c’s I would do whatever it took to not only avoid that at any cost but to have a child of my own. After foster parenting for a year I realized even more that the one part I’m not willing to give up on yet is carrying my
child, to go through child birth, to finally
have a good ultrasound…
So we continue to wait. One day at a time. And we’ll build this love, and this family, from the ground up…