The Start of a New Chapter

It has been such a long time. So much has changed, and yet so much is still the same.

In the past two and a half years DH has become a Sergeant at his job, and I now work with him as an administrative professional, and although we have not yet become parents we have parented.

Foster Parenting (October 2014-July 2015)
We had the pleasure of fostering 9 children in 2014-2015. They ranged from age 2-6 and most of them came in 2’s. We had our longest for 5 months, African American siblings, a 6 year old boy who had been through some awful abuse, and a 2 year old little girl who had medical issues and health neglect. They were the light of my life and I miss them every day. They were reunited with their mother after the father went to jail for the abuse. While I still know that they would have had a better opportunistic life with us, we know their mother loved them and is working very hard to keep them happy, healthy, and most of all safe now.

Unfortunately between the broken CPS system that we encountered, some pretty awful/hateful parents, and some lessons that were almost two hard to learn. We stepped away. Saying good-bye just became too painful and we felt as though we were being taken advantage of by the system because they knew we longed so much for children. We commend those that have been able to foster and please know that you are stronger than anyone will ever give you credit for. This is not to deter anyone from fostering I just think our painful IF past, along with the county in which we live, it just wasn’t meant to be. We are thankful we were able to give 9 children a safe place and keep them in our prayers for a safe and happy future. We did hand prints of all the children the day they left and we keep it up on our wall as a reminder of just how blessed we are to have known them.

My dog was diagnosed with Thyroid Carcinoma about a year ago. He is still doing good and showing no signs of slowing down but I know it will be the thing that takes him from me. He has been my heart dog since day 1 and I can’t imagine life without him. He was my “Marley”. He helped me in dark times and comforted me after both D&C’s and more.

Overall, life is good though. Our family is ever growing with a new niece and nephew. And my best friend who swore she would never had children gave birth to a beautiful baby girl in February and she has changed her mother in so many ways and has made her a giant crying bleeding heart. It’s an amazing transformation to see and seeing her reminds me of being around her mother as a child and it warms my heart.

It still blows me away that it has been over 6 years since I have been pregnant. I have mostly forgotten all of the little details, times, and numbers that I used to obsess over.

We have made the decision to pursue donor eggs.
We have our consultation with our RE on January 18th and I am anxious to speak to him and see his kind face. He has always been such an amazing man to us and thanks to him we found out very quickly why were having miscarriages and he probably saved us a lot of pain and torture using our own eggs.

This place has always been an outlet for me to journal everything we’ve experienced in this journey and I feel as though it just wouldn’t be right to not document this part of our journey. If you are new here please take a look around and don’t be afraid to comment and let me know about yourself. My brain has blocked out so much of the past that unfortunately I don’t remember most of the blogs I follow or their journeys but I hope you are all well and I look forward to sharing this part of our journey with you.


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