Because I have him…

So many times I focus on the ones that don’t understand what I’m going through. I cry because I wish people would understand the things I battle daily. At this point it’s not even as simple as I don’t children and others do. For any infertile you know that there are a list of things that you physically deal with because of issues with your hormones and chemical balances in your body. Pain from your cystic ovaries. Facial hair and lack of hormones or raging hormones because of PCOS. And I could go on.

But today I want to remember the one person who without a doubt, does understand, he is the one who suffers, cries, and heals with me. My husband.

For he is the one who was in the ultrasound room with me the first time I had to get a vaginal u/s. With big eyes not knowing what was about to happen.

He is the one who helped give me shots, sort out medications, and call the insurance company, specialty pharmacies to check on prices, and had to ask for a manager at least once because their lack of knowledge on their own policies is UNBELIEVABLE.

He is the one who did semen analysis tests, and offered to be poked and tested right along with me.

He is the one that brought me a heating pad and bought tampons when the cycle failed.

He is the one that cried tears of joy with me as we stared at our first positive pregnancy test.

The one biting his nails with me while we waited for beta results, and waited in the lobby of the ultrasound room.

He is the one that dropped down to his knees as I laid in tears on the table when we heard, “I’m sorry, there is no heartbeat.”

He is the one that woke up at 5am, drove me in the pouring rain to the hospital for my D&C

He is the one that loaded me in the car with pain pills and a diaper on to help with the horrible bleeding, and put me in bed at home so I could sleep while he called the family to tell them of the tragedy.

The one that did it all over again with the second miscarriage.

The one who begged me to get out of bed and go out on a date, to try and get back to some sort of normal.

He is the one who held me as I cried after people who don’t understand say things that hurt me.

The one who brought me flowers, cards, and wrote notes, anything to make sure I knew just how much he loved me.

The one who went to the genetics doctor and sat with me as we heard the results and realized that I am the reason this keeps happening.

He is the one who refused to leave when I begged him to, because he could have children with anyone else.

He is the one who has been through all of this, has been right by my side. He has continued to love me through the good and the bad, and he is the one who has gone on every step of this journey with me while we try and figure out what our life looks like now that it’s nothing like we planned. The one who is with me in strengthening our spiritual life and letting God make our plans for the future. And he continues to be the one to show me unconditional love and give me some of the best days of my life. He continues to be one of the most amazing men I have ever known. An amazing uncle, son, brother, and so much more. I am so blessed to have him in my life.

And remember, there are a approximately 6.997 billion people in this world, if you have the 1 who is with you no matter what. It quite simply does not matter.


4 thoughts on “Because I have him…

  1. this post seriously made me cry. even though there is no positive to having IF or anything that comes along with it, it defiantly helps to know that the person that gave us his heart and said on that day “through sickness and health” really meant it and will stick this out until the bitter end of this awful IF journey.



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