How to be the perfect infertile?

How to be the perfect infertile.

How to balance self preservation without it being selfishness.
How to make people understand how much gravity your situation holds in your life without making them think you expect them to change the way they live theirs.
How to hope they understand the pain you experience for your own situation without making them think you are trying to take joy away from theirs
How to make them realize that your miscarriage was painful even if it was at 4-7 weeks and still make them understand that you aren’t trying to compare with their much later miscarriage.
How to show joy to your pregnant friends, without them thinking you are faking it.
How to confide in your husband without making him feel like you can’t be happy for anyone else, but rather he is the only person who understands.
How to make people understand that your husband is hurting just as you are, he just doesn’t show it like you, and by saying things that hurt you, they hurt him as well.
How to give your view on a conversation without people thinking that you are trying to gain pitty for your situation.
How to make people understand that once you have had a child, you no longer have the fear of someone who has yet to have theirs, but that doesn’t mean you think the pain they experienced before their child was less
How to deal with people who do, say, things that are insensitive, without making them think you are ultra sensitive
How to make people understand that while this is something that saddens you, that you are not a sad person, nor do you need medication or a therapist to “fix it”
How to make people understand that just because you don’t have children, your opinion still matters when giving parental advice.
How to have moments of weakness when all you want to do is cry, without people thinking that’s all you do

These are things I battle with on a daily basis. As I feel the number of people who understand exactly what my husband and I are going through and the daily struggle this is for BOTH of us dwindle. As any other situation in a marriage no one on the outside understands exactly what goes on inside a marriage, or how they have decided to live their lives and plan their future as best as they can around what is going on. My husband and I continue to live our lives to the best of our ability. That is not to say that it is perfect, and we may make mistakes along the way, but we are trying. None of us were given a manual on our lives and what we would encounter along the way, and no one journey is alike. I don’t expect people to fully understand what we go through just as I don’t understand them. But I try. And I continue to try and be sensitive to the ones who are hurting, happy for the ones that have joy, and there for the ones that need me. I have only lived out what I hope to be a small fraction of my life, I do not have all the answers nor do I want to. I am simply living the best way I know how. It is without perfection and pride that I say I am a work in progress. And I keep God and my family close and try to deal with things as they are handed to me.

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5 thoughts on “How to be the perfect infertile?

  1. This was beautifully written and so true. I found myself saying, “yep, yep, yep” as I read along. I may have adopted my son but it doesn't make any of this any less true. I am praying that you are able to hold your child someday soon!

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  2. What an awesome post. I feel everything that you do, and related to each of your points. This is quite a burden to carry, and it gets harder the longer it goes on, which is another frustration; the longer I deal with setbacks, disappointments, etc….I seem to have less coping skills than more.

    I find myself saying a lot “why me? Why us?” because I'm not sure what the lesson of this struggle is. Thank you for articulating this, and know that I wish you the very best.

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  3. Thinking of you. I lost my nephew last year when he was only a day old and I still find it hard not to be incredibly angry about it (though really, there is nobody to blame- I'm just angry at 'the world'. My brother and his partner are hoping to try again soon and I just hope it works and that their relationship is strong enough if it does not. My thoughts are with you. Rx

    http://sandersonsmithstory.blogspot.com/

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