What Would You Do?

Obviously my husband and I have discussed our options until were blue in the face with TTC. We have talked about what were willing to do, how far we are willing to take it, how much money were willing to spend. Unfortunately our options are limited by our finances. We just aren’t in the place financially that we could do a few rounds of IVF (at 20k) a cycle, or that we could invest that sort of money with no guarantee. So that limits what we can do. We joke around that we wish we had a rich family member that would just offer to pay for it, that because of our Chromosome Translocation that our RE has already told us we have great odds with IVF that involved PDG would be a great option for us and he really thinks it would work.

But I had a dream the other night, that some faceless person was standing there (just someone I didn’t recognize) and they were offering to cover all of our TTC expenses until we had a child. And I couldn’t say anything. It was like my vocal chords had been ripped out and I couldn’t talk. I just kept shaking my head and hands no and even dropped down to my knees crying. It was so strange, but I guess it’s how I feel. I don’t think I could take that sort of money from anyone, even if I thought they wouldn’t even notice a dent in their wallet, even if I thought that without a doubt we would get the child we have longed for so long. I just don’t think I could ever do that. I would feel like if it didn’t work I would be disappointing more than just myself and my husband, but also this person who was invested in it as well. (literally.)

I guess although my dream come true would be to have a child, and have a child that is mine and my husband’s. I could not have that at someone else’s expense. I couldn’t let anyone be responsible for the success or failure of my dreams.

Just a random though. The dream was crazy and although at first I felt like I could pass out, I quickly snapped back into reality and just knew I couldn’t do it.

What would you do? Why or why not? Just curious. I don’t think people who do take these sorts of offers are bad in any way, and I hope that if someone I knew that needed something like this took this gift that they got their dream come true. It scares the bajeezuz out of me to think I could be letting down anyone else in this process.

And, I guess I could also think about “better” things to do with my money. As my previous blog about My Wishes talked about, things like buying my grandma a new artificial leg, or making sure my parents (who have taken care of me) were comfortable, would just mean way more to me.

There are some things money can buy, but that isn’t happiness. My husband and I will be happy with whatever God’s plan is in our life. And that my friends, is one of the things money can’t buy, MY FAITH.

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2 thoughts on “What Would You Do?

  1. Wow, this is a really powerful post and I wish I could wave a magic wand for you but as you say with faith in God's plan what is coming will be what is right for you and your husband.

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  2. Lavonne – I have had similar thoughts too. It frustrates me to think that it's possible that one day IVF will be our lost option and saddens me to think that at least at this moment I know we could never afford it. Something about that just doesn't seem right. It's kind of cruel if you ask me.

    As far as accepting the money . . . I totally know what you're talking about and even more when you say you could use the money for other things. Just know that sometimes specially in this circumstance we have to be a little selfish. I know part of my coping method with IF has been to help others so I can stay distracted but you know what, sometimes we just need to take care of ourselves.

    Faith . . . always have faith that things will work out somehow . . . sometimes it scares me but they always work out don't they . . .

    Like

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