I continue to be amazed at how many people read my blogs. I looked at my stats today and was just blown away at how much my blog has grown since I kinda jumped into this community just a few short months ago. Although I have had this blog for quite some time, I never did anything but post and log out. I am so happy that I have branched out and not only found a few special women out there that have helped me not feel like such an alien, but I have come across so many remarkable women in different stages of their journey, and no matter what stage they are in, they give me some sort of hope. That things happen, miracles, and that bad things still happen, but that they do get better. These blogs have kept me going this week, they have given me something to do to keep my mind from wandering.
It has been a rough week for me. Not because of my BFN necessarily but other life happenings. I am worried about my dad, for numerous reasons, he’s healthy, but not happy, and that hurts my heart more than I could ever express. I won’t go into the reasons why but it just hurts me so deeply to see him in pain, to see him lost, it’s been years since I saw him like this and I hope that he gets the happiness he deserves. He is such an amazing man. Sure he hasn’t been perfect. He’s a “One Wing in the Fire” kinda guy, but he is a good man.
On top of that I have recently lost two friends I am very close to. Although I put my own personal feelings aside for a friend and accepted a situation I was not really ok with, days later they found a reason to push me away. And the fact that they only randomly stop by to say random things to me just feels like they are driving the knife further into my soul. It has hurt me more than words can express that they can just shut me out the way they have. I wasn’t able to do it to them, even when I wanted to, but in a single breath they could do it to me. And sadly, the longer it continues the more “done” I am with the whole thing. And that is the worst part. I truly felt like this person someone saw in my soul, understood me, and knew me, the real me, but apparently I was wrong. And when you let someone in your life the way I did for them, losing them over something so trivial, is just like burying them, which I’ve done more times than I would like to think about for real. I grieve for the loss of this friend. It has affected me deeply.
The other friend left me with no explanation. Just stopped returning my phone calls and texts, POOF – nothing! The last conversation we had was a pleasant one. We are having a big family day at the zoo this weekend (which I’ll talk about later) and she was going to go, and bring her niece and nephew, everything was fine. Then just out of no where she quit talking to me. I am left with no reason why this happened and it totally baffles me. I was also very close with this person, hell I even let them live in my house for almost 6 months. They moved out, and everything was great. They were happier having their own place, and my husband and I felt like we had done a good deed in helping them further their lives on their own. Now nothing, not even so much as an explanation. I feel like an idiot for every trusting this person. It is apparent to me that they used me for what they could get then moved on…I feel totally betrayed.
Blah!!!! I hate it when crap like this happens.
Don’t get me wrong, although this has affected me, things other wise have been good. We booked out flights for Vegas in September for my Mom’s wedding :))) YAY! And we have been getting all kinds of things done around the house which I will make sure post pictures to update soon!
I am still blessed with so many amazing friends, and of course my family. Like I said before we are planning a huge zoo day on Sunday and tons of people are going and I can’t wait. It will be fun to get out in the fresh air and explore with the little ones and spend time with people who do “get me” Including my amazing husband! I love watching him with children. It just makes my heart and soul happy to see him so fulfilled when he is around children. I can’t wait to give him that one day.
Things will get better, they always do. In the mean time I’m just kinda “hermitting” out and spending a lot of time at home and trying to keep myself busy. Hope everyone out there is happy and healthy and I hope you have a fantastic weekend!