I have always been a dreamer. Literally. Always had dreams that I can usually remember. Crazy, wild, sci-fi like, you name it I’ve had it. But none like last night’s dream. It is still so vivid in my head that I can’t seem to focus on anything else today. My mind is cloudy with the dream.
I was in a room with two other women standing above me. Before I know it something makes me reach down and I give birth to the most perfect, dark headed, baby. The perfect combination of Nate and I. More perfect than I ever thought I could even dream up. He was beautiful. The feelings that came over me were indescribable. I kept saying to myself in the dream, “You know this is a dream, your going to wake up and none of this is going to be true.” But it just kept going, it almost had me believing it was all real. It felt so real. They took the baby to be cleaned and before I knew it the baby was wrapped in a big blue blanket in my arms with the cutest white and blue striped hat. I can remember every detail. How he smelled. The feelings that were rushing all over my body. It felt so real.
I woke up and was obviously in tears. Although I was sad it was just a dream, it just reminded me that this is all going to be worth it. Those feelings I felt in that dream. If it feels half that good having a child then I will go through anything to get there. I know God will bless us with a child, I believe that was his way of telling me to keep dreaming, to keep believing, and to remain patient. It will happen.
I feel a sort of emptiness today though. Like I am missing a piece of me now. Like I felt those feelings and yet now they are gone, yet still a piece of it remains. It’s the weirdest feeling I have ever gotten from a dream. It felt so real…