My Little Girls

Today I had a very spiritual and deep conversation with a very dear friend of mine. As a little background story of this friend we met online on a forum for Weight Watchers. The first time I met her in person, her fiance (now husband) and puppy drove all the way to Indiana from Georgia to be at my wedding. You would think it would be awkward meeting an online friend in the middle of such a big event but it was everything but that. We clicked just as much as we did online, and more, she was there for me during the rehearsal, getting ready, everything, and to this day I am glad that she didn’t miss out on that huge moment of my life. A little over a year later I was a bridesmaid in her wedding in Ohio (her hometown) and we have gotten to meet a few more times. But in reality we have actually only “hung out” like 5 or 6 times total. But you would think that we have known each other our whole life if you were around us. Since we have met we have discovered that our friendship has been much more meaningful than weight loss. We have helped each other through some of those most difficult things in life. We both have dealt with infertility, she basically went through pre-menopause and in order to have children will more than likely have to do donor eggs. And me with my “issues”… I could ramble all day about how amazing this woman is and how blessed I am to have her in my life…She has recently accepted God into her life and has been having deep spiritual awakenings because of this.

So she messages me today and after a lot of hesitation and making sure I was in the right place mentally to talk about what she wanted to say she proceeded to tell me about a dream she had.

She said that she was in a big open field, and there were a ton of butterflies and she could feel the sun on her skin. Then she could hear laughter coming from little girls. One of the little girls then ran up to her and said, “You know my Mommy!” Then two little girls sat her down and told her to give me a message. They said that I need not to worry about them, they are happy and God adopted them. That He’s waiting for me to give them their names. That they love Nate and I very much and that they love us and can’t wait to meet us in Heaven. They said that they don’t want us to mourn them anymore because they are happy. She said they also gave her some peace about her situation that God has a plan for her too and that God knows she will be an amazing mother when the time is right. She said they are beautiful, and look just like me.

Obviously I couldn’t be anything but grateful for this. It came at just the right time and through the exact right person. I have been contemplating naming my angels for a few months now, but just didn’t feel it was the right time. Sunday it will have been two years since my second m/c. And I have been thinking about what to do to celebrate their lives, and celebrate the person my husband and I have become because of the short time they were with us. I have now decided that Sunday I want Nate and I to go release two balloons with the names we decide for them on them. I think it will be a great way for us to acknowledge the date but in a positive way. Releasing all the past grief and sadness and releasing our daughters into the sky.

I have never been able to talk about the genetic results from the second angel until now. Because we wanted chromosome testing the doctor made us aware that with this testing we could know the gender of our second angel. Nate told me he didn’t want to know, and although I did, I didn’t tell him for almost a year and a half. It kinda slipped when I finally did tell him but he was glad it did. We did find out that our second angel would have been a girl. Although I don’t know about the first one “for sure” I have always felt in my heart that it was a girl as well. My friend’s dreamed confirmed that for me.

Although I don’t believe in the “super natural” and things like that, I do believe in God. And I do believe in Angels. And I believe that God and Angels take the form of dreams or other human beings, in order to comfort us when we need it most. I believe that God does talk to me and the ones that want to hear Him. And I believe that He sent my friend that dream to give me the last piece of healing I’ve been looking for. To give me that last bit of closure that my girls are in Heaven and that God is watching over them until we get there…