Week from H-E-L-L

I swear every day something gets resolved and every next day something hits me square in the face. I didn’t really how much my UFC theory would be accurate this week. Every time I stand up I get knocked back down. It’s getting so hard to breath. Thank God my first appointment with my psychologist/counselor is next week. Lord knows I need it after this week. I need someone to teach me how to cope with this stuff.

So it was a good choice to sit this cycle out from the injections. Nate’s plant (he works in an under ground stone/sand mine) called this morning and they are calling some of the guys back (he has been on a seasonal lay off for about 2 1/2 months) but they don’t have enough work to call Nate and a couple of the other guys back. So Nate is being transferred to a plant about an hour and a half away in his home town. This plant has a big job that will last about 4-6 months but as soon as that’s over if his original plant hasn’t called back then he will be laid off again.

Until we can get everything caught back up from his 3 month lay off then he will probably have to stay at his dad’s through the week because his truck would cost us WAY too much in gas right now. Especially with gas prices being ridiculous lately. 

So yeah obviously we can’t BD if he is never here. And of course the sucky part is that he will be on days now so I won’t see him much when he is able to make the drive. You see he has worked nights for 4 years and most of our relationship has been spent either as full time students with jobs and being so busy we never saw each other, or on separate shifts. In September I finally got a design job with the publishing company I had been doing “grunt work” for 4 years and now do page layout and design for books like “For Dummies,” “Betty Crocker,” “Frommer’s” and a whole lot of others. Well I specifically took the night shift position so I could be on the same shift as Nate. And now he will be working 6am-4pm while I work 5pm-1am…*sigh*

It’s definitely going to be rough but this work is better than nothing…we go back to a weekend marriage and depending on how all this works out this month will depend on my decision to start TTC with injectios next month. If we are too stressed because of the commuting and shift differences we may just have to put it on hold. I’m starting to thing that God is just doing everything in his power to tell me this isn’t the right time. It seems like He tried to keep us away from the meds and u/s and now since we got that figured out Nate is being taken away from me. But I also don’t know if it’s just God’s way of making us work really hard for what we want and we are supposed to just keep fighting and hope for the best….It would be awesome if I could just call Him and ask Him what His plan is…but since I can’t I’ll just surrender and take it one day at a time…

I’ve been listening to this song all day. It will be on Red Wanting Blue’s new record coming out in August. Some of the lyrics just seem to really fit the fight and struggle I seem to be having right now…

“For every dream that’s in my mind, 
there is another butterfly I can’t catch, 
catch me now, cause I’m falling here, 
my finger in the air fights doubt but not the fear,
Maybe I caught the wrong dream running, 
or this one just aint mine to live, 
all I know is right now something must give…”

(please excuse the horrible background noise, like I said this doesn’t come out till August but someone happened to record it live and I saw it on youtube, I saw this live in February and was glad someone had it on youtube because I really needed the lyrics today…)

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