Fiji

I’m not really sure what I’m feeling today. I’m feeling wonderful, beautiful, confused, and yet so sure. It’s crazy. But I am a woman so I guess anything is possible. haha!

I decided after this injection cycle didn’t work out and I really don’t have the energy to pursue it through other pharmacies and what not I spent my injection money for this cycle on some new makeup at Ulta. I never spend more that $10 for makeup and usually don’t worry about putting much on. Well I decided that I want to start having some nice makeup and something that makes me look more polished when I go out. I also got TWO bottles of the new OPI shatter, and two of the other new Katy Perry colors from OPI.

So I bought…

I’m totally loving it and getting lots of compliments today on my make-up and it’s making me feel much more confident and pretty! Can’t wait to get my nails done tomorrow with the new colors :))

I’m still feeling very down that were not TTC right now but something in my gut is just telling me that it’s not the right time. And that although my heart wants it I just know something is not right and I should wait till things seem right again…I’ve been through too much to force something that isn’t meant to be.

My heart hurts for a dear friend of mine who in her early 30’s went in for surgery to remove what they thought was fybroids. They found out there was cancer and she is now in ICU after them having to remove her reproductive organs, appendix, and parts of her small intestine and colon. I won’t mention a name since I don’t know how she would feel about that, but if she reads this I hope she knows I am praying very hard for her…thank God for her child and that she knows the amazing feeling to be a mother before this happened to her…

Like I said I am just full of emotions. It is hard to stay positive when everything seems so impossible right now. I was telling my husband, you know that feeling you have when your going on vacation somewhere exotic and wonderful. That feeling that it’s never actually going to happen. And that there is no way that you will be standing half way around the world on a sandy beach. It’s especially hard when you are standing in the middle of a blizzard looking at nothing but flat land and dead trees…that’s how this feels. Like a child is some wild exotic vacation that we will never actually go on. And I’m sure that if and when we get there we will stand there with our child feeling like the sun from the island of somewhere exotic is shining bright. But right now were standing in the middle of a blizzard some what and it just feels unreachable…

I thought writing this might help…I’ll let you know…nothin yet.

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