So it is no secret the pain that my husband and I have endured while TTC. The question is…was it worth it? Would we do it again? And will we do it again? The answer is YES. I have not given up the hope that one day I will be a mother and he will be a father to our children. Some might think that after we found out about the chromosome translocation that we would give up and just look into adoption. But we heard something very different at that appointment. We heard that we weren’t as bad off as we thought. That there was still hope. And that a 33% chance of miscarriage due to the translocation was not a 100% chance, or even 80% or 90% We heard that we have a 1 in 3 chance of miscarriage. And to us that means we have endured 2. Which means eventually we have to get that other 77%
Although the fear of having to endure more loss to get our child quite frankly scares the crap out of us both. It doesn’t mean that the fear out weighs our faith that God will make all of this pain worth it. He already has in some ways. Our marriage is stronger, our family seems closer, and we have survived what a lot of couples have not. We can only hope that if God forbid we have to endure another loss that we have learned from the past experiences, and also know much more about “Why?” then we did then and we can be a few steps ahead instead of feeling blind sided.
Although it will still be quite some time before we decide to go down this path again, the scariest part is not the possibility of another miscarriage. The scariest part by far, is that there will be people who are standing by ready to say “I told you so,” or question our reasons for putting ourselves through something like that again. Instead of the support and love that we will need.
I ask for support not judgement. I don’t ask you to feel sorry for us, but to understand that this is the path that we were given and we are trying to make the best of it…