*Exhale*

Well after
Two Years of TTC
3 rounds of clomid
10 rounds of Femara
4 trigger shots
2 miscarriages
$3042.84 later

Nate and I are preparing for our first official “non forced” volunteered break from TTC. Two years later we have nothing more than some doctor bills and a few ultrasound pictures of our would be children to show for all of this. Sure we are stronger, and sure we have learned a lot from this. But unfortunately I feel as though everything we have been through has done us more harm than good.

After much thinking and lots of sleepless nights we have decided to refocus our lives and focus on bettering our lives financially, mentally, and physically.

Physically: As most of you know I am currently enrolled in Weight Watchers and about 1/4 way done with what I want to be 80lb weight loss. With hormone medications and mood swings, and fear of hurting implantation I have no been able to focus all of my energy on eating right and working out to my full potential. I am hoping that a break from TTC will really help me focus my energy to getting fit and healthy and changing my bad habits forever.

Mentally: I have obviously been through a lot. Feeling like a total failure in giving my husband the children he deserves takes it’s toll on my emotions and our marriage. I have started the process in going to see a counselor on a regular basis and am going to be working on freeing myself from those horrible thoughts and for the first time in a long time being myself again, but even better. For now I am going to go alone, but my hope is that Nate can join me from time to time and we can make sure we both are free of our invisible chains we have given ourselves. We have blamed ourselves for too long and that stops now.

Financially: Nate and I make pretty decent money for people our age. Nate’s job used to be more stable and about two years ago he made about twice as much as he does now. We unfortunately we were young and dumb once and not only did we blow every penny we made and didn’t save a dime of it, we racked up quite a bit in credit card debt. Together we have 5 credit cards totally in about 6,000. While that doesn’t seem like much when you spread it out over 5 different cards, and all the different interest rates and all the different payments we need to work on paying all those off. We are going to get all of our credit card info together and sit down with someone I know who is really good at finances and make out a budget plan to get those things paid off.

We are hoping that take at least a year, maybe two from this we will be ready to start a new journey in TTC. We are hoping that after taking some time off and getting ourselves ready we will start trying by IVF. It is an expensive and mentally straining journey that I know we need to prepare ourselves for before just throwing ourselves into it. So we are hoping after the break we can decide we are ready to start that part of our journey.

We know that none of this will be easy and it will take hard work and dedication on our part but we really believe like taking this break will be the best for us in the long run and that we are preparing our lives and bettering ourselves for our future children.

We are nervous, excited, and anxious for what our future holds for us. We continue to ask for your prayers as we start this part in our lives and will keep you updated as we take this big leap of faith towards our future.

All our Love
Nate & Lavonne

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