Our Life in (In)Fertility

We just as everyone else thought it would be easy

We quickly found out that was not the case
We have gone to doctors appointments
He has seen my uterus and ovaries
We have seen ultrasound pictures of our future children
He has given me shots to make the process possible
He has held up my legs
I have woken him up at 7am to show him a positive test
After only 3 hours of sleep
We have picked out names
Talked about our child’s future
I have woken him up early again to go see our child on a black and grey screen
He has held me while I cried when they told us it wasn’t meant to be
He has ran to the store at 3am
Not for foods that I’m “craving”
But for tissues and pain pills
We have mourned and tried to move on
We have said “congrats” and been happy for others
But held each other when we get home and cried and asked God,
Why not us?
I have yelled at him for no reason
He has blamed himself
As have I
We have spent more money on medications than we care to admit
We have made sacrifices that no one will ever understand
We have ruled out surrogacy and donors
But decided adoption was an option we now consider
We have had hope
We have lost it
And tried to hope again
We have done the best we can
We pray
We love each other more than we ever knew possible
We survive
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