Well last Wednesday night (7/22) I had some weird light spotting. The only times I have had something similar in my entire life is when I was pregnant. So of course my mind races a million mph and I test on Thursday morning. Negative. Hmm well maybe it’s too early.

I had been too scared to test again until this morning. But I didn’t have a test, so I just decided to drive to my Dr and do a blood test. They do stuff like that all the time. She just called and it was negative. She said “So your definitely not pregnant.” AWESOME – thanks BITCH! I don’t like the new nurse. She is the Dr’s wife and I just don’t care for her. My nurse is no longer there. I have no idea why but it really upset me. She was awesome.

At this point I’m totally fucking over it! (Excuse the language) I am just sick of this consuming my life. I have now wasted a week of thinking about what if, and maybe, or could be, for NOTHING! I’m ready to just move on with my life, which I was doing just fine until the spotting. It’s like my body and nature itself is fighting me on this.

For now I’m just going to stop thinking about it and try to just keep living my life. I’m hoping in a few months I’ll feel like trying again. I feel like we really just have to get back on the horse (for lack of a better term) and just start trying again. It sucks because knowing that our odds for miscarriage is higher is definitely scary but I guess knowing is better than the unknown anxiety of why…

So I may be MIA for a while. I’m going to focus on my weight loss and my marriage and trying to get my life back to as normal as possible. Keep us in your prayers. We always need them! XO


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