Family Ties

“The most important thing in life is your family. There are days you love them, and others you don’t, but in the end they’re the people you always come home to. Sometimes it’s the family you’re born into and sometimes it’s the one you make for yourself.”

This weekend was an eye opener of sorts. Maybe not my eyes, maybe others, maybe not, I hope so… I don’t understand why people draw a line where family is. I am a product of a broken home. Not just broken once, broken numerous times. Actually every time I’ve had a sense of family it breaks. But since when does broken mean gone. Or since when does blood equal love. Why am I not considered family to someone just because I am not their blood relative. Is there a limit for the amount of family you can have that I don’t know about. Does calling me family make your blood relatives less your family. Or is it just that you are incapable of loving more than the realm of your blood. I don’t ask for extra presents at christmas, or a birthday card just because you call me family. I simply ask that when you say family, you think of me. Or when someone asks you who I am it’s not, “his child” or “her step something” I am yours. Whatever you want me to be. A grandchild, a niece, even a close friend that you consider part of your family.

My entire life all I have wanted is a family. My mother and father divorced before I ever knew that family, so when my mom remarried and he had two sons, we all moved into a house, that way my family. Then a divorce ripped that all away from me and I now feel myself constantly home sick for a home that doesn’t exist anymore. In the mean time my dad was in and out of family’s that I tried to cling to, none of them lasting. Until he met my step-mom. She had a daughter and then I found out I had a brother on the way, something to link us all together. I felt like that was a family. But I never got to live with them, neither did my little sister, so we occasional talked about how we weren’t part of that family, and although the love was there, the sense of belonging wasn’t.

Then I met Nate, it was just the two of us. When I found out I was pregnant I was overjoyed, and for one very simple reason. I was MAKING the family I had longed for, a family that would never be broken. My child would never know how it felt to only see their dad every other weekend, my child would never have to hear about child support or be called a step child. My child was going to have a mother and a father that would never be taken away from them. Until my child was taken from me.

I just want a family. One that has no lines, no recognition of blood, no where from, except from the heart. I want for hearts to speak before minds, and for there to be no his or hers, but only ours…

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