Feel Something

Yesterday I decided that I couldn’t sit at my desk for another minute. I wasn’t sure if I needed to cry or scream or just what all I knew is I didn’t want to do it sitting at my desk surrounded by co-workers. So after a wonderful lunch with a good friend I headed to Muncie. I decided that for the first time in about 9 years to go see my grandpa’s headstone. I think I just needed to feel something. I hadn’t cried about Melissa yet, I felt like I had emotion bottled up in me and that was the one place I knew I could let it all go. So I pulled in the very big cemetary not knowing exactly where to go, I have never been there by myself. Somehow I went right to it. The minute I pulled up emotion rushed over me. As I got out of the car the breeze took my breath away. I couldn’t control myself. For the first time in months I was letting go of all the emotions I had been keeping inside. I sat down next to the headstone and said a little prayer. Hoping that somewhere my grandpa could hear me.

I miss him so much. I feel like he is a big reason I am who I am today. And I feel proud when I run into people he used to know and they tell me all the wonderful things about my grandpa. If he were here, everything would be different…
When my grandpa passed my grandma decided it would be more cost efficient to have her name and birthday put on the other half of the headstone. That way when she passed the only thing we had to do is put her date of passing. She chose to put her first and middle name, next to his because the last name is big on the top. For those of you that don’t know her middle name, is my first. If you really want to face your mortality, look at a headstone that has your name on it. It makes you think…
I decided to take a picture of the headstone. I never thought I would do something like that but it is such a beautiful resting place for my grandpa.
i miss you grandpa
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