My Curse

When I found out I was pregnant we waited until we had told all of our family until we told friends and announced it online. Places like myspace, etc.

Well I was speaking with a girl that I’ve known since middle school. We have always had an up and down friendship. Mainly because she thinks her opinions are the only that matter and she thinks she is better than everyone else. I have never been that kind of person. In school I never had a specific group of friends or “clique”

Well anways – I got on aim and was talking to her. The convorsation started out by her talking about how upset she was about things not going the way she wanted. She never really told me details of what was going on but I told her I was there for her and she could talk to me anytime. After she was done, I said well the reason I IM’ed you was because I wanted to tell you instead of you seeing it on myspace that I’m pregnant. She flipped out.

Let me just go back a little and say when I told her Nate and I were starting infertility treatments she said we were too young to be worrying about that and that we weren’t ready and that we needed to take the first year of our marriage “just for us” Ok, well first of all, her and her husband got married after just a few months of dating so she could move with him to Kansas because he was going there for the Army. So they barely knew eachother when they got married, she told me that herself. So for someone like that sure, a year is great, but for Nate and I we have been together over 3 years when we got married and then decided to have kids. But she doesn’t understand that everyone’s situation is different. She told me on numerous occasions that it was “funny” to her to see people our age getting married when she was celebrating her 2 year anniversary with her husband, and she felt so much more mature than everyone else. Ok – just because we didn’t get married when we were 19 does NOT mean we were immature.

So she proceeds to tell me after I tell her the news that I know how she feels about it and she doesn’t think were ready, and that I was a heartless bitch for sitting there telling her I’d be there for her then “throw that in her face” Little did I know the problems she was talking about was of her and her husband not getting pregnant after trying for I guess a long time.

She is the kind of person that would always tell me she was upset, or having a bad day, or things were rough, but wouldn’t tell me what was really going on. She always said she didn’t want to talk about it. Always.

So how in the world was I supposed to know that’s what she was talking about.

So needless to say she was deleted from my myspace, and numerous other outlets because I knew I could never forgive her for the things she said. She basically said Nate and I didn’t deserve to be pregnant. So I hadn’t talked to her. Not even after the miscarriage. And she never talked to me. Like I said it’s always been an up and down friendship. She has said things out of line before, but never like this. I had forgiven her before, but not this time.

I found out yesterday that she was pregnant. A friend of mine that still has her on her myspace texted me to tell me. So at first I said “Well good for her, I don’t care” Then I pinched my finger trying to put away a TV tray and began to cry. It didn’t hurt that bad. But for obvious other reasons I just lost it. After thinking long and hard about it I sent her a text message. It said

“Congrats – I am truly happy for you and your husband.”

Some people would say I’m crazy. After everything she said how could I be “truly happy” for her. But my thoughts have always been that it is not my place to judge who “deserves” a child and who doesn’t. And not only that but no one should have to go through the pain of infertility or months of trying that doesn’t suceed. No one – deserves that. And I know that can make people turn into people that even they themselves don’t like. So I congradulated her because I’m glad that her heartache is over. I’m glad she has a healty pregnancy in front of her and if she ever sees this I hope she knows I only wish her the very best.

Signed
Defeated

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