My Pain

I just want one more day. One more day to feel like your a part of me. One more day to feel the joy I felt from knowing I was taking care of more than just myself. How do people go through something like this and not have it change their entire being as a person. Or do they? I look at everything different now. The world has changed colors and shapes and I don’t like who I’m becoming. I want to be done waiting, waiting for the inevitable to happen. Waiting for something that I know will be the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. You can’t possibly imagine how it feels unless you’ve been there, to tremble at every twitch and pain. I just want it to be over…

People say that time heals. But for me every day just brings more pain, more thoughts I didn’t think about the day before. More things that remind me that my life will never be the same. I don’t answer my phone because I don’t want to hear that it’s all going to be ok, because I feel as though it never will be. I’m sick of hearing that God has a plan because if this was his plan, to put me through this pain and agony, I don’t want to believe in Him anymore. And I don’t want to hear that it will happen again when it’s time, because who are you to say that this wasn’t our time. I don’t expect people to know what to say so I guess that’s why I just don’t talk to anyone. I know that everyone trully cares and just wants me to be ok, but I just want it all to go away….

Signed
Heartbroken
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