Angel Baby

I never thought I could feel this much pain. I never trully knew what it was to have a broken heart. Yesterday we found out that all of our dreams, will not be coming true. For what ever reason God has decided it is not our time to be parents. I don’t know what the next step will be yet. I don’t know what to do. I feel numb and still in shock. I have my moments where I cry so hard I can’t breathe, then I have my moments where I am so mad I could throw something across the room. I layed there in bed this morning, trying to come up with a reason to get up. Trying to figure out what I did to deserve any of this. Or how anyone ever gets over this…
I hope you’ll understand I don’t have the heart to tell some of you. The thought of calling certain people or hearing their reaction. Nate said he would call some of his family but I know this is just as hard on him and saying out loud is almost more than we can bare right now.
I’m not sure what the next step is. Not sure where to go from here. It hasn’t even been that long and I already feel like I lost a huge peice of me.

Please God give me some peace.

For those of you who might wonder. as you know we went to the ER saturday because of bleeding. They did an ultrasound and said the gestastional sac measured about 5mm. And my hcg level was 2050. Yesterday at the ultrasound they said I was still about 5mm. So they wanted to check my levels again, they called me yesterday about 3 to tell me they had dropped down to 69. The dr is supposed to call me today and talk to me about what’s next….

this is all i have left to hold on to. just one tiny black dot on an ultrasound picture…

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2 thoughts on “Angel Baby

  1. I had to post a comment here to say I am so very very sorry. I know I am reading this after the event, even after the second loss you then suffered, but I still need to write and send you a whole lot of loving because this is just the hardest thing to cope with, past, present and future xxxxxxx

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  2. I haven't read this post probably since it was put on here. It's so inspiring to read the words I said then see the strength and growth that has come from this. Thank you for your very kind words and taking time to read about my little angel.

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